All right guys we are back ! Sorry it's taken so long, let's jump right in !

If that's ok, I'm gonna pick up where I left off and go through them in order. So we're starting with Sh!t Happens.

Charlie just killed Jason and she' not exactly being a happy camper. So Miles tries to cheer her up, military style. You did good soldier.

But she pouting. She grumpy, OK?!

   By now they should really know that talking to her in a soft voice, telling her she didn't do nothing wrong is not gonna be perceived as a nice gesture but a condescending one. Like she's a child going through her first heartache.

But they're concerned. Awwwww. Monroe is especially caring, uh huh, he's almost paying her as much attention as Miles is (which is actually a lot now !).

    And Connor too, of course.. that little f#cker. But anyway neither is approaching this situation really well, it's like OK, she's grieving her friend and former love, whadda we do guyz?? EVERYBODY LOOK AT CHARLIE!! It's okay for Bass to do it though, because he's Bass and he's awesome and just shut up. It's so frustrating to think that these are the last bits of Charloe we're ever getting.. It's almost painful..!!

   But anyway, then, Texas rangers come along and, don't they look adorable ?? Miles is just like 'arf f#ck me not this again.. Charlie's immediately on alert, Bass is like 'oh well..', and Connor's just pretending to have skills.

   Anyway, there's like 7 of them if I remember correctly, so they can't just ignore them, and Miles has the most brilliant idea ever, the one plan that always works no matter the context or genre: HEY, LET'S SPLIT UP!!

Why, yes of course, let's do dat.

Miles gets pinned down. Because he's the decoy. And he's really awesome at it.

   Now, Miles is a smart man, he's hiding behind a car, and he's fired one warning shot. He knows the Texans are his friends, not his enemies, so, he tries to parley with the leader. But then that dude right here shoots him through the window. And well...

They all die, the leader too, because he's a stubborn son of a b!tch. He's good willed, (probably) but he's an asshole.

Now he's dead yay.

   Anyway, Miles is hurt, alone and scared in the wilderness, then he falls into a basement and I really don't care much for watching him trying to get out of a dark little room for half an episode, not interacting with anyone so we'll just jump right to the interesting bit.

FINALLY, we get the beginning of the season's weird ass moment explained to us !

So. The Nano had a little fun with Miles.

That's it. That's the explanation.

   Don't get me wrong, it was great to have Tim Guinee pop up like that but, seriously?? That "mystery" was like, the introduction to the entire season and we had to wait until episode 19 to know what it was about ! And it turns out it was just the Nano making Ben appear (and dead Charlie and Rachel) and saying horrible sh!t to Miles.

So he got pissed and burned the place to the ground.

    Anyway it was still a nice little scene -I guess. SO. Miles is still stuck in that basement, reminiscing about all that and, well, he gets pissed and burns the ceiling. Which is smart gotta hand it to ya, well done !

So now that that's out of the way, we can get to the whole Charlie/Neville thing and most importantly the horrifyingly creepy Bass/Rachel shenanigans.

So after they split up with Miles, they came back to camp and oh, yeah, Aaron arrived while they were gone.

And I love that a slight almost tender shove from Charlie threw him completely off balance. He like 'WOAH SH-..!

Anyway, Miles is not back, obviously, cause you split up and left him alone to fend for himself like f#cking idiots. They shouldn't do sh!t like that ! Miles is delicate.

So Charlie and Rachel set off to look for him.

And Bass just can't look away from Charlie's radiating light of hotness and badassery and decides to set off with them.

   And Connor's being a baby about it like 'sure, sure you go get you bf *grumpy Connor noises*'. What the hell Connor ? You don't get to b!tch about this. Useless sacks of sh!t don't get to have an opinion on the adorableness that surrounds Miles and Bass. I don't wanna bitch about Connor too much but at that point, even as it aired, I wasn't even trying to like him anymore, just openly insulting everything he said, did or was. Dammit Connor.

Sooooo, here comes the little bit of Charloe we were blessed with. Bickering about tracking skills, OH LORD THE PAIN.

   He says she's the tracker or something and oh dear baby Jesus the memories.. Remember when life was so simple and it was just the two of them in the woods bickering and throwing accusations.. Good times.

Now Rachel is there, looking dumb, and useless.

   And Charlie is like 'I can't track over PAVEMENT! YOU f#cking track him! And it's just beautiful, I have no words.. With these two, the bickering is really what does it for me. Too much adorableness.

Anyway, Bass is clearly in charge here, and now he has a brilliant idea of his own.. Can you guess it ??


Charlie : already gone, not even listening anymore. BASS : All right let's go. Rachel : whado I do?

I'm kind of compartmentalizing this post, so let's get this "night in Philadelphia" incident over with.

   Rachel comes across the place where Miles shot everybody like a badass mothafucka and Bass, who has apparently hit a dead end, has apparently veered back towards her.

   Now, the following of events seems quite logical. Except for one tiny, little, blond, bitchy detail. WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE CHOOSE TO GO TOWARDS RACHEL WHEN CHARLIE IS JUST AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS SHE IS?!

I don't know. I'm shocked that he did. But anyway.. He did.. Let's just accept it and move on.

   It's really not going well between the two of them -shoulda gone for Charlie- mostly because Bass is so much smarter than Rachel when it comes to analyzing the field and assuming what Miles would've done. And she doesn't really have that sort of street smarts AND she just doesn't know Miles when he's faced with actual deadly danger. She doesn't know how he thinks, what he would do, or (I'm assuming) how he would feel. Bass does. Oooh buuuuurn.

   And since he's actually real f#cking smart and he actually does know him, they do find him. More accurately they find the place. Walk riiight over him, calling for him. But Miles got dumb, being locked up like that, and he decided to build a freaking furniture tower.. Which collapsed. As it should. It was a tower. MADE OF FURNITURE

But they don't know that, so they keep going, and Rachel is being a b!tch.

So Bass gets in her face, as is tradition.

   And finally he gets it all out ! He's called her a b!tch before but here, he's bringing out the old murdering people with screwdrivers memories ! And finally the P word is uttered in Rachel's presence. To define Rachel.

   And it is sooo good to hear, because Rachel is kind of a psycho, but never has she been called one to her face. Bass however has been called a psychopath, a monster, a sociopath, and God knows/remembers what else !

Except then she has to answer back and she's all metaphors, and that is a serial killer trademark. I watch Hannibal, OK, I know these things.

So anyway, we've heard all of this before, he's poison, he's the devil, he's ruining Miles's life, who hates him by the way, etcetera, etcetera... 

   Seriously, who says that ? He's poison ? He's the devil on his shoulders ? Suuure, Rachel, sure. Thank you for your input. We'll get back to you on that one. Get out now.

   Aaaaaaand then, Bass has to respond to that. And well, it's not a good response. And somehow not one that I expected. It's certainly not a response I'm OK with, on any level. It's the night in Philly comment btw. And it's just wrong. Why would they do that ? Why create that backstory, REALLY ? I don't believe he would have forced her, so what, did he seduce her ? or her, him ?? Why?! HOW?! WHEN?! WHYYY?? It's just gross. I wonder if there are any Rachel/Bass shippers out there.. Probably. I dunno.. Can't quite wrap my head around it.

So Rachel's like 'I was a victim', which I believe, and when he says nobody forced her (which I believe also) she slaps him.

And BOY does his face change quickly !

Dat face

At that point, it's like.. we've lost him or something. He is just GONE. Goes into full psycho mode. Yes, there's pictures.


I'm so sorry.

And dat tongue move ! DAVID WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! NO!

   But then of course, he has the decency to look ashamed, and sorry, and almost freaked out by himself. So, OK, this was a bad moment, he REALLY got carried away, but I believe that we can move past it, forget it and never mention it again, erase any and all trace of it from everybody's brain and just pretend and be happy. Sounds good ?

And after that, they keep on looking for Miles because they have to and that's gotta be sooo awkward.

   But when they find Miles's jacket with blood on it, he actually tries to comfort her, and reassure her. That's his way of apologizing and it's kind of, I don't know, lame and creepy ? If that's how people felt about Charloe, then holy hell I'm sorry for you guys, if we had had to deal with this Bachel nonsense for the entire season, I don't even know, just, wow, no, anything but not Bachel ! By the way, best name.

Anyway, she graciously accepts it, and we are done with them for today.

   So while ALL OF THAT was happening, Charlie almost died ! And Bass was like 'no time to go get her, meet her back later, whatevs screw that b!tch ! Well f#ck that guy.

   So Charlie is all beautiful and angelic looking, actually searching for her uncle like she's supposed to, and not having weird revelation/non consensual kissing time with anyone. And then Neville shows up.

   He doesn't know that Jason's dead, just that he left him and probably went with them. He has no idea they've been to Austin, so he just figured they'd been at their camp all that time. Find the camp, find Jason.

So she's pretend-leading him to their camp, and Tom is asking a lot of questions. And she's just adorable. Look at that face.

   They get to this old house, and I guess it's where they actually lived before they had to move to the industrial looking dam thing place or whatever, and so she has a knife stashed there. Smart girl.

Except she's scared and not a good liar, not very discreet either, so he catches her and essentially throws her to the ground for her trouble.

Then he starts talking. And basically it's TAKE ME TO MY SON OR DIE.

And apparently her face tells him that there's something he doesn't know.

   That scene is soo emotional. Charlie's not a good liar, and lying about Jason being dead is a really painful reminder that he is dead. It's gotta be so hard to convince someone you're not grieving. Especially when you know they would be too.

   So pretending Jason's alive and well makes it really hard for Charlie to not feel sad, and feeling sad is making her an even worst liar. And of course Neville instantly calls her on that, so she has to be even more convincing !

   But the more she lies, the harder it is to hide the grief that particular train of thought is awakening, the more she betrays herself just by looking sad. So Neville actually understands that his son's dead pretty f#cking fast !

And oh my god that face.. DO YOU SEE THE PAIN??!

So, he empties a clip on her ! But Charlie has reflexes..? I guess.?

And he probably didn't want to kill her at that point, because he still needs to know whodunit.

   For some reason, this actually made me sad. I guess this wasn't the first time I saw Tom Neville grieving and desperate for revenge, but this time, I know it's true, and I've seen it, and it was horrible, and I still wish it had been Connor, I said it should be him, and I do believe I was right !

Anyway, she has to confess and explain.

   Tracy Spiridakos is amazing and you gotta admire her consistancy. She doesn't cry too much, 'cause it would be a little awkward if she just started bawling and wailing like a kid. But she's still got the watery eyes and wavering voice going on the entire time.

And Giancarlo Esposito really makes you want to like Neville. He made me go 'AWWW POOR LITTLE BABY! That's an actor.

   And that's an actress. That's the saddest thing with this show (going off topic here, sorry) ALL THE ACTORS ARE REALLY TALENTED. They make you actually care about the characters, but the writers.. don't. Pretty much. And they don't use their actors enough. In the sense that, for example, this right here, Charlie/Neville, Tracy/Giancarlo, that's an awesome combination !

   They are both amazingly talented actors, and their two characters are just begging for confrontation with each other. And yet, I think that's the first scene they got together in season 2. Episode 19. First scene together. Charlie/Bass of course was also a great combination we didn't get enough of. Charlie/Miles, same thing. This season Charlie only got paired up with her mom, or Aaron, or Gene, etc. I can understand that the secondary characters need to have interaction with primary characters but PRIORITY TO PRIMARY CHARACTERS TOGETHER, ALWAYS ! Goddammit..

But enough bitchin for now !

   Charlie feels guiltier than she's ever felt (I'm assuming) and she doesn't really care about anything other than the fact that she killed a person she loved and cared for. So, 3rd brilliant idea of the day : YOU CAN SHOOT ME IF YOU WANT TO !

So he does !

Except he emptied his clip on the wall above her, not 30 seconds before, so no dead Charlie !

Post-prod really nailed this scene. With the little piano notes and whatnot.

   So after he shoots, first time around, I was going 'OK, no bullet, great, so.. ♫ awkward ♫.. aw poor Neville, please let this be over, CHARLIE ON THE MOVE, ok you are subtly removing yourself from the gun's line of sight, good, good girl, no sudden moves, here we go, ok, now get out, get out, getout, GET THE F#CK OUTTA THERE !

   But seriously, sad for Neville.. And sad for Charlie, but.. Neville.. With the shaking and the violins, it's horrible ! Like watching Jason die wasn't enough ! Now we have to go through this !

Poor little baby, you're now one of my favorite characters that's not gonna be on TV anymore.

So after that, I guess we skip ahead a couple days or something and we get a Charlie/Connor conversation yaaay we hadn't had enough of that.

So Connor's being a little b!tch. Just because it's almost nightfall, he thinks she shouldn't go after her uncle. Like if he's not back yet, he won't be, get over it.

   Well Connor, f#ck you. This is a Kripke show OK? You don't just tell someone they shouldn't go after a member of their family who's injured and alone. Dammit Connor, HOW MANY TIMES.. stop being a b!tch !

   But Charlie is always patient with Connor so she can better make him feel like an idiot. And she says something that's kind of reminiscent of something Monroe said at the end of season 1, about how people that jump off bridges and survive all say that they instantly regretted it. So she regretted it, and now she realizes she actually wants to survive this sh!t, and she wants the people she loves to survive it to.

   Charlie is definitely my favorite character on this show and that's because she never does anything that doesn't sound like her, she's stubborn, and she changes and evolves in a realistic way, she doesn't just transform into a different person, she stays the exact same person with more layers on top. And every change she's gone through has always been about adding or removing layers.

   But anyway this is turning into a deep, dare I say almost professional critique which is a sign it needs to end. I don't like professionalism. I like bitching, god did I miss all the bitching ! So sorry this took me SOOOO LONG to put out, thank you so much for waiting and actually wanting more ! In the end my computer just gave up on life so I got a new one ! And it's shiny, and beautiful, and I bled myself dry buying it but I love it ! So hopefully, I'll be able to get the others out soon ! I'm not exactly short on things to do at the moment, so be patient with me ! You all have a wonderful night, and a beautiful day tomorrow !

And don't forget, #RelocateRevolution !


  1. After the kiss, my first thought was "No, god, no!" But my second was, "what will Golden Virginia say?" Thanks for not disappointing! #NoBachel

  2. When I first saw the bachel kiss my first reaction was "Holly shit! Is this really happening?!"
    I'll admit that wanting to throw up was involved but I managed to hold it together. .....

    anyway I agree with everything you wrote and happy you finally came back!
    Keep em' coming!


"When you bring an idea that has no merit to me, and you ask me to comment on it, I'm going to tell you it has no merit." (Kevin Leary)